I am a counsellor, wife, a mother and grandmother who lives in the outer suburbs of Melbourne.  I am 69 years old and have experienced many ups and downs over the years, but I feel my best years are ahead of me.

I have been through divorce from my first husband after 22 years of marriage and felt the paralyzing fear of not knowing if I could financially look after myself and help my adult children who were still studying. I had moved back from the country to the inner suburbs to be closer to my parents as my mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I had no contacts for employment. The uncertainty of what was to come and how I would cope left me feeling lonely, afraid and ashamed I was not better equipped to survive. At this point I squashed down my emotions by drinking wine. This numbed me temporarily, but all the emotions were there festering and ready to explode.

I eventually got full time work teaching, and I helped my dad look after my mum. As the only daughter, expectations to be a carer were put onto me rather than my brothers. Eventually my mother passed away and my father and one of my younger brothers were diagnosed with cancer in the same week in 2014. I cared for dad until he passed away in 2015, and then I also looked after my brother when he needed me over several years until he sadly passed away.

While I made decisions based on my values and my love for my family members, I also felt angry, frustrated and invalidated much of the time. I felt this huge expectation from so many people that being the carer was my lot as a female, especially an older female. It really upset me when I was told that I was a ‘good daughter’ or ‘good sister’ repeatedly. If I strayed or complained about my role, I felt deep shame and guilt and would beat myself up. How could I love my family so much but feel so angry at the same time? I was pushing my feelings away and blaming myself because I did not fit the stereotype of what a ‘good woman’ should be. This stereotype including being self-sacrificing with no thought for myself. I realized that from childhood I had abandoned myself because I had been trained to do so by societal expectations which were reinforced by my family.

Over the years through self-education, my counselling studies, life experiences and having therapy myself, I have learned that I need to feel my feelings, it is OK to ask for what I need and I don’t have to over function constantly. I know that I do not have to fit in with any stereotype of what a woman should be and especially what an older woman should be. Life is a learning process, and I still work on myself and am passionate about helping other women.

You may be reading this because you are feeling stuck in overwhelm. You may be frustrated, angry, feeling invalidated, confused, lacking direction or grieving a loss. No matter where you are right now, I can meet you there, hear you without judgement and support you in the next phase of your life.

You don’t have to do it alone. Healing from the past starts in the present.

It’s time to claim back your life and it is never too late!