Grief Counselling for Carer Burnout
Symptoms of grief include:
Sadness and deep longing, crying
Shock or numbness
Anger or irritability
Guilt or regret
Anxiety and fear of the future
Fatigue, trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, restlessness
Changes in appetite
Illness or sickness due to a weakened immune system
Difficult concentrating
Withdrawing from others
Therapy offers a supportive presence during your grief journey
Grief usually comes in waves, you feel Ok one minute and are in tears the next.
Carer grief is often hidden grief, and it is especially challenging because carers often feel isolated and when they are looking after someone suffering, they feel they should not talk about how they feel. Carers often think they must be strong and have it all together all the time. Because society often focuses only on grief after death, carers may feel their grief is invisible or invalid.
As a carer, you may be grieving the life you used to have or be grieving the decline of a loved one due to their illness. You may be grieving because you have a child with a disability and you grieve all the milestones they may never reach.
You may be feeling grief due to:
Loss of a relationship as it used to be
Loss of shared future plans
Loss of identity outside the caring role
Loss of independence and freedom you used to have
Loss of independence of the person you are caring for
Watching your loved one decline in health
Behavioural or personality changes in your loved one
Increased care needs over time
Anticipatory grief and ambiguous loss
When you care for someone declining in health, grief starts well before that person dies. This is called anticipatory grief.
Ambiguous grief is when the person you care for is physically present but psychologically changed due to dementia, brain injury or severe illness.
Research with caregivers of people with dementia found that around 35% experienced high levels of anticipatory grief at some point during caregiving
Research into families caring for people with cancer and dementia shows that caregivers often experience multiple forms of loss at once, including anticipatory loss, pre-death grief, and eventual bereavement grief
The impact of caregiver grief
Research shows that caregiving can have a significant emotional and physical impact.
A longitudinal study led by researchers at Curtin University found that family carers experienced high levels of grief, poorer health, and reduced quality of life during caregiving, and these effects often continued after the person died. The grief carers experienced while caring was similar to the grief after death. It could take 9 – 10 months after the death for carers start to feel normal again.
This highlights something important: grief often begins during the caregiving journey, not only after the loss.
With meaningful loss there will be grief
It’s a time when you experience a huge amount of pain while having to adapt to new circumstances. Your whole nervous system is geared to how things used to be and so you then must redefine your identity while grieving what you have lost or what you will lose in the future.
Grief is not linear and there are no defined stages. It is messy and unpredictable and exhausting. One minute you feel OK and the next you are in tears. You can feel so many different emotions in one day.
It is Ok to swing in and out of grief. It is a way of processing it. You can be in real life working out what to have for dinner and then dissolve in a heap the next. Eventually over time grief becomes less overwhelming but it is always there.
Other people often don’t know what to do or say as we live in a grief phobic society. Cheering you up, though well meaning, is invalidating. It is Ok to take everything at your own pace and do things when you feel ready. There is no ‘right way’ to grieve, it is individual and each person has their own unique way.
Life goes on and your grief does not get smaller but life around you becomes bigger and pulls you back in.
Without great love there can be no grief. To grieve means you have loved.
When the caring role ends
Many carers expect relief when caregiving ends, but the reality is often more complicated.
When the caring role ends, people can experience:
Intense grief
A loss of identity
Emotional exhaustion
Difficulty adjusting to life without the caregiving routine
Grief counselling may help carers:
Understand anticipatory grief and ambiguous loss
Process feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, or exhaustion
Navigate relationship changes
Reconnect with their own needs and identity
Prepare emotionally for future loss
Adjust after the caring role ends
Support during the caregiving journey can help reduce emotional strain and promote healthier grieving. If you are caring for someone you love, you may be holding far more emotional weight than people around you realise.
Grief can begin long before loss, and you deserve compassion and support.
Next steps:
Are you a woman who cares for others and experiencing grief? Do you feel unimportant and invisible? Through personalised online counselling sessions, I support you with your needs and goals and help you feel better. Your journey to a more fulfilling life starts here. Contact me for a free 20-minute chat by clicking on the tab below.