Midlife anxiety isn’t a life sentence—it’s your launch pad
Rise, rebel, and rewrite your story by listening to your body
Being stuck in fight, flight or freeze is a physiological response by your body to chronic survival stress. Everyone has their own unique response to the stressors in their life which have mostly been formed through past experiences. You may have gone through your whole life stuck in survival stress and not even be aware that it is something you can take control over and slowly change your nervous system.
These past experiences may include being subjected to abuse, narcissistic manipulation, or any traumas which have left you with limiting beliefs about yourself, negative personal stories and a distorted view of others and the world.
These responses are mostly unconscious and have nothing to do with any personal flaws, so self-compassion is needed rather than judgement.
You may be triggered easily into an automatic, unconscious response that comes from these experiences rather than what is happening to you in reality.
How to know if you are stuck in fight or flight
Being stuck in fight or flight means you can’t relax, are hypervigilant, have constant anxiety or irritation. Coping strategies (which is the way you unconsciously behave to keep yourself feeling in control and safe) may be doing any activity to excess, such as over exercising, being a perfectionist or relying on stimulants to keep yourself going. It is considered a ‘normal’ behaviour for women to be people pleasing and compliant but often this can be a trauma response.
How to know if you are stuck in freeze
If you are stuck in a freeze response, you may feel low, depressed, have brain fog, are tired with enough sleep, and you could even have chronic fatigue. Coping strategies may be procrastinating, avoidance, bingeing on TV or food, and isolating yourself from others. Many people will go from fight, flight to freeze and back again but rarely feel regulated and calm.
The aim is to be able to move easily between states and not to become stuck but spend more time in a regulated state feeling safe and connected to yourself and others. Becoming aware of the experiences that have impacted you negatively and learning to set boundaries that align with your values is important.
Being educated about our nervous system and aware of our automatic responses is an important step. Next are exercises and tools to help us regulate our nervous system. There is no quick fix, but steady progress can certainly be made.
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Emotional Freedom Techniques can be used as a tool for self-help or by an EFT therapist. If you have a lot of chronic stress or trauma stored in your body, then a therapist is best as they will lead you gently through sessions, so you stay regulated and safe.
EFT or tapping, combines thinking about a negative event, thought, or feeling and asking the body to find where the uncomfortable sensations are held. Over time it allows you to sit with them in a safe way rather than automatically going to fight, flight or freeze.
Tapping on meridian points on the body sends a calming signal to the Amygdala (the stress response centre of the brain) which lowers cortisol and adrenaline. When the Amygdala is on high alert the rational part of the brain – the Prefrontal Cortex – goes offline so we find it harder to think through problems.
It is the stored survival stress you are helping the body release along with negative thoughts, feelings and limiting beliefs. This stress usually stays in the body until a person can do some somatic work like EFT as it works with the body and the mind. The body likes to release it slowly, gently, and safely.
When tapping sometimes unconscious memories or images may surface as EFT makes the unconscious more conscious. This means the layers of the onion are peeling away.
A helpful way to look at using EFT is to see the overall goal or problem as a loaf of banana bread and a recent time you felt this negative emotion is a piece of the banana bread. If we tap on enough pieces or aspects the intensity of the problem will reduce over time.
EFT can be used to gradually change automatic responses so you can see the present more clearly as these emotional reactions from past experiences become weaker. Once these triggers have less influence in how you react or how you behave you are able to take back more control of your life. Just because you have always felt this way does not mean you have to go on feeling the same way. The years to come can be the best years of your life.
Written by Susan Christoffelsz
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