The hidden signs of carer burnout -and what to do before it gets worse

Caring for a loved one can be deeply meaningful, but it can be emotionally. mentally, and physically exhausting. Many caregivers push themselves beyond their limits without realising they are experiencing carer burnout.

It can develop slowly and comes from being overwhelmed with responsibility, lack of support and putting your own needs last.

You end up in a state of chronic physical and emotional exhaustion. It’s the type of tiredness that does not improve with a good night’s sleep. You may feel anxious all the time, disconnected or numb, get irritable over little things, and feel trapped and suffocated. You may also be under financial pressure, be socially isolated, and have the extra stress of watching a loved one struggle with ill health.

Many caregivers feel they must keep going no matter what and feel guilty if they consider their own needs.

It’s not your fault you feel this way as your nervous system is overloaded and has gone beyond its own capacity to cope.

Seeking support

Seeking support is not weakness but a strength as it is an important step in protecting your wellbeing.

There are caregiver support groups you can join so that you don’t feel like you are doing it alone. Connecting with others also allows you to help each other out when needed. Carer Gateway is such a group, they also can organise home help.

Strategies you can use yourself

It’s good to do a brain dump on a page of what you need to do for the next day. Cross out anything not important and focus on just one or two things. Celebrate small wins.

Try to carve out small amounts of time for yourself even if it is 10 minutes in the bathroom.

Ask for help from friends as some want to help but don’t know how to. Ask if someone can spare two hours so you can go to the hairdresser or dentist etc. It is hard to ask but you cannot do it all alone and many people do not know you are struggling.

If there is a lot of paperwork you must fill out, ask a friend to help. Sometimes you won’t have the mental capacity when you are very tired.

Simplify as much as possible. Get groceries online. Have a meal plan for each night of the week and just rotate each week. Then you will know that Monday is spaghetti night, for example, and it creates less cognitive overload. If there is no time to cook, toast and fruit are fine or a bowl of cereal. Try to keep away from junk food daily as you are focusing on keeping yourself as healthy as you can.

Try to go for a walk when you can – even around the block. If you can’t get out dance to music at home, jump on the trampoline or anything else to get your body moving as exercise helps with depression.

Just doing small things has a big impact. It also helps put you back having some control.

Reach out for counselling if you need more support. I offer a free 20-minute chat.